If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
