a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
