if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
