Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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