I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
