Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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