College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
