Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize