why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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