I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i've created a new STD.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
