tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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