I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
