We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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