I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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