I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
