do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
