so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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