Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
