Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
