You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
