So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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