Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
