Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
