No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize