The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
