I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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