I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
