i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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