People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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