remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize