I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
