I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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