This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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