I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
