The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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