he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
