Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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