You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
