there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
