And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize