whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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