foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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