dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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