i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there was a trapeze. enough said
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
