If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
