11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
