Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
