my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
