Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize