I just saw a hot homeless man
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
