Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
