New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
