After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The feeling are messing with the penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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