He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
