I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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