My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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