The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
