you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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