Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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