she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
