She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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