Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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