dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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