I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
