oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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