Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
