Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
