you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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