a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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