God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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