she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
