I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He? As in you personified your dick?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
