THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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