Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
