I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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