she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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